I have a female cousin who I am interested to get married to and likewise the same for her while on the other hand my male cousin is interested to get married to my sister and likewise the same for her and that it based upon that the guardians of each family are pleased with it, I mean both parents, the point is that all members from both sides are completely pleased with it and there are no conditions found between us while we acknowledge that the marriage of shighaar is haraam however what we request from you oh Noble Shaykh , may Allah preserve you, that you direct us to a safe and upright way (in performing the marriage), in order that the marriage be valid and so that we can be safe from falling into the marriage of shighaar and from falling into sin and unlawful acts and is it necessary that each one of the spouses gives more (dowry) than the other?
In The Name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful, All praise is due to Allah and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Messenger of Allah and upon his family, his companions and upon those who follow his guidance.
The marriage of shighaar is as he mentioned that it is not permissible whereas the Prophet, alayhis salaatu was salaam, prohibited it and it (i.e. the marriage of shighaar) is to say to another “marry me off your daughter and I will marry you off my daughter” or “marry me off your sister and I will marry you off my sister” or of that sort. This is considered the marriage of shighaar upon preset conditions from both sides and as for if it occurs without preset conditions from both sides while they are all pleased with it and there are no preset conditions, whereas this one is pleased and the other is pleased and the woman is pleased then it is okay and this is not considered shighaar. However, shighaar is to have preset conditions between them (such as saying) that “I do not marry you off up until you marry me off”. As for if each one of them is interested in the marriage of the other even if the other one doesn’t get married: he marries his sister to him and the other doesn’t marry the other to his sister; likewise pertaining to the daughters (being that they made an agreement without any preset conditions), whereas he marries his sister to him and the other marries him to his sister/daughter while both sides are pleased with it, then this is not considered shighaar. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t equal (in the dowry given), so whether the dowries are the same or not, it doesn’t harm (i.e. the contract of the marriage)”.
Translated by AbuFajr AbdulFattaah bin Uthman.